Why Millennials Are Taking “L’s” In The Dating Game

*Words non-millennials will need to know the meanings of before reading any further 

Millennials: Generation coming of age around the beginning of the millennium. Born from mid 1980s-2000.
Taking ‘L’s’: Catching a loss in the specified situation
DM: Sending a direct message
Thirsty/Thirst Trap: Too eager, desperate, or craving attention from the opposite/same sex
F*ck Boy: Boy pretending to be what he thinks it means to be a man 
Flexing: Showing off, fronting/lying
Situationship: A relationship that has no label on it – like a friendship but more than a friendship but not quite a relationship.

We’re currently living in a world where women ask themselves “where are the good guys?”, and tweet quotes such as “chivalry is dead”.  We’re currently living in a world where when a man does attempt to court, and be chivalrous he is deemed as being “thirsty”.  We’re currently living in a world where men want queens but aren’t kings themselves.  We’re currently living in a world where when he does find that wifey type chick he’s been dreaming about, he cheats on her with the so-called ‘hoes’ he was complaining about in the first place.  What I’m saying is, we all have a notion of the type of relationship we want but do the furthest things from it to achieve it.  We like asking to be shown love even though we’re not prepared to show love in the same way we’re requesting it from others.

Women have a tendency of blaming men for being and I quote, “ain’t sh*t” as well as  “f**k boys”, and men have a tendency of blaming women for being hoes and not amounting to the qualities of the woman on their unattainable list.  I don’t believe there is a guideline to a perfect relationship, however, the following things have definitely deluded our idea of what a real, strong, and true relationship should be.

Cheating and being cheated on continuously isn’t love.

Millenials all of a sudden have a notion that maybe it’s not okay, but almost as though it’s expected to cheat or be cheated on continuously and continue to stay in the relationship because “we’ve been through a lot, and have to stay and fight”, or “everyone’s relationship goes through tests” or, my personal favorite, “there has to be a reason we keep coming back to each other…we’re meant to be”. I’m sorry to break it to you, and I don’t mean to be blunt but staying in a relationship where you’re constantly cheating or being cheated on isn’t a test, or being through a lot – it’s plain stupidity.

When you’re married and you and your partner go through financial struggles, a severe sickness, a death of a child or miscarriage, and maybe an infidelity when you’ve got a family and much more to lose (because it does happen); then maybe we can talk about relationship tests that you stayed and fought through.  As for now, just remember that it is not a ‘thing’ to cheat or be cheated on, and that it is always okay to leave.

Thirst traps and flexing on social media to attract a ‘bae’.

This is a major reason why we’re talking L’s in the dating game.  I mean c’mon, the hashtags #WasteHisTime and #WasteHerTime were trending for a while — need I say more?  The foundation of any relationship is usually a tell-tale sign of what’s to come.  Wanting to build something with someone with the initial basis of an Instagram post or Snapchat video is questionable in itself, but do we care? No. Posting thirst traps on social media with your goodies out will give you your 15 minutes of fame, and will certainly get someone’s attention; the kind of attention that lasts a night however, not a lifetime.  If her thirst trap is what caught your attention, and what made you ‘slide into her DMs’ in the first place, don’t complain when she’s still posting thirst traps a few months into the relationship and still entertaining other people’s DM’s.  If nothing of substance but his popping bottles, fly car and ‘money team’ like posts are what made you respond to his DMs, there’s a chance that your time may be borrowed, possibly like everything else in those posts.

Glorifying situationships, sidechicks, and side-dudes is actually a thing.

People have a weird obsession with wanting to find the one, and when they do, an even weirder obsession with wanting to have options.  It is extremely imperative to make sure you can be alone and happy, before you can be happy with someone else.  You will never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness until you’re comfortable with being alone and can therefore hopefully avoid thinking you can find different things in different people when you’re really just lacking within yourself.  If I see one more “I won’t post my MCM (man crush Monday) because I don’t feel like fighting about OUR boyfriend today” or “I just f****d your girl now she’s OUR girl” posts my eyes just might fall out from rolling them a little too hard.

Glorifying these types of relationships is probably the biggest ‘L’ we as millennials are taking when it comes to the dating game.  Women are okay with sharing men for whatever reason, and men are okay with sharing women because and I quote ‘we get all the benefits without having to put in work as her man’ – true words from a friend of mine who basks in the glory of being a side-dude.  What baffles me the most is these are the same people that talk about the infamous relationship goals, and ‘real’ love and relationships, and what they want out of a man and woman, that does not correlate with what their getting from their man or woman, who is also someone else’s man or woman.  Millenials as a whole, maybe we should start practicing what we preach…but I mean hey, why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free right?

It’s a cycle…

My theory is there are two main types of women; the so called ‘wifey’ type, and the ‘fast’ type your mother and grandmother warned you to stay away from.  There are also two main types of men; the good guy you know would treat you well, who is usually placed in the friend zone or labeled as too nice, and the player, bad-boy type who intrigues us, but is no good for us.  The wifey type women always talk about wanting a nice guy, or a good guy, but those are exactly the types of  guys they overlook by convincing themselves that ‘he’s boring’, they’re ‘just not that into him’, or he’s just ‘not their type’, and therefore go for the bad-boy player types they want to want them.

That being said, the bad-boy player types eventually want a wifey type and will entertain her in the hopes that she will wait for him while he runs around with the ‘fast’ girls – because that’s just what they want as young men right now.  So, in the end, it leaves us with this cycle of loving the idea of someone, but lacking the maturity, commitment or self-discipline to handle the reality of them.

TSR Staff: Thembi